he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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