oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize