Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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