You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
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