If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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