I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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