my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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