I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
