May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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