I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
