this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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