after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
