epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
