i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You made out with two different species that night
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
