Pappa wants mamma naked
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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