I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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