I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
