And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
