Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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