why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
