last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
