I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize