Please, let me fuck your mom
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
