great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize