You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
