My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
