The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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