The maid of honor just puked.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
