You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize