I think im going to throw up on grandma
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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