if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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