I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
