I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
