I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
