We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
