dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
