Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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