the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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