Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
