You're my little dorito
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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