double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize