I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
