My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
