I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
