apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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