Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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