Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i believe in u and ur pee
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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