wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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