6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
