I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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