I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
