cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
