hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
