Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
