my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
