Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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