I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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