Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
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