I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
