someone get that fucking seahorse.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
