Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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