Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
