I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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