I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
