So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
