you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
