Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
