i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
