grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
