oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
