moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
