I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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