Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
