i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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